Life & relationships
Going back to work after two weeks
You return to a job that has not changed, from a house that has changed completely. This is harder than people expect.
Two weeks is not enough and everyone knows it. Then Monday arrives and you are in a meeting about a spreadsheet on four hours of broken sleep.
Two separate difficulties, and it helps to name them.
The practical one
You are working while sleep deprived, which measurably degrades concentration, judgement and patience. You cannot fix that, only manage it.
- Tell your manager the truth, in one sentence, without apologising. "I have a three-week-old and my sleep is broken, so I am prioritising X and Y this month." Most managers respond well and cannot help you if they do not know.
- Protect one sleep block. Agree a night or two a week where she covers what she can and you get four unbroken hours. Bank it before a big day.
- Cut your own commitments to the bone for two months. The gym can survive. The five-a-side cannot survive being dropped entirely, see below.
- Do not use the commute as your only peace. It is tempting to sit in the car for twenty minutes. Once in a while, fine. Every day, and it becomes avoidance.
The one nobody mentions
Guilt in both directions, constantly. Guilty at work for thinking about home. Guilty at home for being at work. And underneath it, sometimes, relief at being somewhere adults talk to you about normal things, which then produces its own guilt.
That relief is not a character flaw. It is a rest.
What helps
- A five-minute handover when you walk in, before you do anything else. How was the day, what does she need, what is happening tonight. Then take over properly for a stretch.
- Own the evening block or the mornings. Fully, not as help.
- Learn the whole job, not your bits. Nappy sizes, jab dates, health visitor's name. Being able to run the day solo is the thing that changes the balance of the household.
- Keep one thing that is yours. One evening a fortnight. Men who drop everything at once do worse and become resentful about six months later.
Take the second block if you can
If shared parental leave is open to you, a separate block later is worth more than extending now. Two weeks at the start is survival. A few weeks alone with a six-month-old is where you actually become the parent who knows what he is doing.