The dads’ community.

Help! Son is hot and sick

Three weeks in and my wife is finding feeding really painful. She keeps saying she will push through. How hard do I push to get someone to look at it without it landing as criticism?

Due in three weeks and I have realised I have no idea what I am supposed to do if it happens fast. What is the actual sequence? Ring who, in what order?

Nine months and we have not been out together, just the two of us, since she was born. Everyone says get a babysitter like it is simple. How did you actually make the first one happen?

My father was not around much and I keep catching myself doing things exactly like him. Anyone else find the first year drags up a load of stuff about your own dad?

Eighteen months and bedtime has become a two-hour negotiation. Everything I read online contradicts everything else. What actually worked for you?

Going back to five-a-side for the first time in eight months and feeling weirdly guilty about it. Does that wear off or do I just get on with it?

Thirty-six weeks. Bag is packed. I have read the birth preferences four times and I still could not tell you what I am supposed to do with my hands.

Question for anyone who has done it: how long did they actually keep you at the hospital in early labour before sending you home? Trying to work out whether to eat first.

Day four. Nobody warned me that the drive home would be the most terrified I have ever been at twenty miles an hour.

Is it normal to lie awake listening to them breathe even when you are exhausted enough to sleep standing up? Asking for me.

Discovered at 3am that a head torch changes nappy changes completely. Nobody puts that on any list. Genuinely the best four pounds I have spent.

Two weeks in. My whole job appears to be bringing water to a woman on a sofa and I have never felt more useful in my life. Odd, that.

How do you tell people not to visit without starting a family war? Genuine question. My mother has already booked a train.

Went back to work on Monday after two weeks. Sat in a meeting about quarterly targets on four hours sleep, wondering if anyone could tell I was somewhere else entirely.

Anyone else find the evenings between five and eight are just a wall of crying? Six weeks old. Is this the thing everyone calls colic or is this just Tuesday.

Small win. Worked out he settles on my forearm and only my forearm. My wife cannot do it. I am unreasonably proud of this and it is the only thing I am good at.

Nobody tells you that you will feel almost nothing for the first few weeks. Just doing the jobs. It arrived properly around week seven and I nearly went over.

How much are you both actually sleeping? Trying to work out if we are doing this wrong or if this is just what it is.

Five months. She sleeps through. I still wake at 2am out of habit and lie there like an idiot.

Started solids this week. Ninety per cent of the food is on the floor, the wall, and somehow inside my sleeve. Was told this was normal. Would like a second opinion.

Realised today that my wife and I have not had a conversation about anything other than logistics for about three weeks. Booked a walk. Not a whole evening, just a walk.

Anyone done a paediatric first aid course? Worth it or is it two hours of common sense? Leaning towards doing it either way.

First proper cold. Snot everywhere, up all night, and I have never read the NHS website with such intensity in my life.

He can open the stair gate. He is fourteen months old. I do not know how he learned this and I am slightly frightened of him.

Nobody prepares you for being negotiated with by someone who cannot yet say a full sentence but absolutely understands leverage.

How do you handle the supermarket meltdown without either giving in or losing your temper? Asking after a fairly public failure at both.

Twelve week scan tomorrow. Have told nobody except this box.

Is it weird that I have not felt anything yet? She is dealing with it constantly and I am just sort of standing nearby waiting to be useful.

Rang HR about paternity leave and discovered our policy is far better than statutory and nobody had ever mentioned it. Worth asking. Ask in writing.

Twenty week scan today. The sonographer went quiet for about ninety seconds and I aged roughly a decade. Everything is fine.

Has anyone actually managed shared parental leave? The gov.uk pages have defeated me twice now.

Batch cooked and froze twelve meals this weekend on advice from this site. Felt deeply unglamorous. Suspect it will be the best thing I did all year.

Got the car seat fitting checked for free at the shop and it turned out I had it wrong. Genuinely wrong, not slightly wrong. Go and get it checked.

Eighteen months of trying. Nobody talks about what this does to a bloke because everyone quite rightly asks about her first.

Reminder that a crying baby put down safely in a cot is completely fine, and walking out of the room for two minutes is the correct move, not a failure.

The single most useful sentence I have said in eight months of fatherhood is: what would help this week. Ten minutes, once a week. That is it.

How do you do the night shifts fairly when she is feeding and you physically cannot? Feels like I am getting off lightly and also like I am useless.

Took four weeks of shared parental leave on my own with a seven month old. Hardest and best month of my life. I now know where everything is.

Registered the birth today. Turns out if you are not married and your name is not on the certificate you have no parental responsibility. Nobody told us. Go to the appointment.

Bought a nappy bin. It is a bin. With a lid. Learn from me.

Anyone else find the 5am pram walk is the best hour of your day? Nobody awake, nobody wanting anything, just you and a coffee and a bit of quiet.

Twenty years and two kids in. The only advice I would give a new dad: learn the whole job, not just your bits. Being able to run the day on your own changes everything at home.

Two teenagers now. The nappies were the easy part and I mean that sincerely. Mostly the job now is listening and not filling the silence.

Youngest turned twenty-one last week. If you are in the newborn bit right now: it does not last, and you will miss the 3am forearm hold more than you would believe.

Three year old asked me why the moon follows us. Spent forty minutes on it. Best conversation I had all week and I work in finance.

Tip nobody gave me: keep a muslin on your shoulder permanently. Just live like that. Accept it.

If you have been meaning to sort life insurance and a will since the baby arrived, this is your reminder. Took me forty minutes online and I feel considerably less like a chancer.

Anyone else keep the 111 number saved and feel slightly guilty about how many times they have looked at it? They were completely fine about it, both times.

Kept five-a-side going through the whole first year. Dropped everything else and nearly dropped that too. Do not drop the one thing that is yours.