The first 72 hours at home

The drive home is the slowest you will ever drive. Then the front door closes and the silence is enormous.

Nobody is coming to check on you tonight. That is the adjustment.

Day one: lower the bar

The only jobs are feeding, nappies, sleep and keeping her fed. That is the entire list. Anything else is optional and most of it is not happening.

• Set up one station downstairs and one upstairs. Nappies, wipes, muslins, a change of clothes, water. You will not want to walk anywhere at 4am.
• Put the pram in the hall now, assembled. Not in the box. Now.
• Eat something that is not toast, once.

Your actual job this week

Her body is recovering from a significant physical event, and if she is feeding she is doing something you cannot do. So you do everything else.

• All nappies you are awake for. All of them. This is the single most useful thing you can do.
• Bring her water and food every single time she feeds. Every time. She will not ask.
• Own the outside world. Visitors, messages, the door, the registrar, the shopping. Nobody gets in without your say.
• Do the night shifts you can do. If there are bottles, take one. If not, you do the changing and the resettling so she only does the feed.

Visitors

People will want to come immediately. You are allowed to say not yet, and you are the one who should say it, because she will find it harder.

A useful line: "We would love to see you at the weekend, and can you bring food."

Sleep, realistically

You will not get a solid night. You can get sleep in pieces, which works better than you expect if you stop fighting it.

• Split the night into two blocks and each own one properly. Being genuinely off-duty for four hours beats both of you half-waking all night.
• Sleep when the baby sleeps is annoying advice and also correct. Lie down at 8pm without shame.

What is normal and alarms everyone

• Newborn breathing is irregular. Pauses, snuffles, odd noises.
• Weight drops in the first few days, then comes back.
• Nappies do strange things in week one.
• Feeding can take forty-five minutes and then they want more in twenty.
• You will lie awake listening to them breathe. Everyone does this.

What is worth a call

Trust the instinct if something feels wrong. Ring the midwife, the health visitor, 111 or your GP. They would far rather hear from you at 3am than have you sit on it politely until morning. Nobody thinks you are wasting their time.

By day four something shifts. Not easier exactly, but recognisable. You start to know the noises. That is the beginning of it.