Everyday parenting
The crying that will not stop
Colic, reflux, and the evening hours that break people. What actually helps, and how to know when to call someone.
Crying peaks at around six to eight weeks and it is often worst in the late afternoon and evening. It then reduces on its own. Knowing that curve exists helps, because in week five it genuinely feels like it will go on forever.
Work the list
Most crying is one of a short list. Go through it in order rather than panicking.
- Hungry. Even if they fed recently.
- Wind. Upright, patient, over the shoulder.
- Nappy.
- Too hot or too cold. Check the chest, not the hands.
- Overtired or overstimulated. Lights down, noise down, everybody quiet.
- Wants to be held. Which is not a fault and not spoiling them.
What actually works when it is not on the list
- Motion. Walk, sling, pram, up and down the hallway. Boring and effective.
- White noise. Loud, close to a hoover, not gentle. Womb noise is not subtle.
- Skin to skin with you. Genuinely works. Take your shirt off.
- Outside. A cold doorstep or a walk at 9pm often resets everything.
- A bath, if you have two of you free.
- Handing over. If you are getting wound up, swap. There is no medal.
Colic and reflux
Colic is the label for prolonged crying in an otherwise healthy, growing baby. It is a description, not a diagnosis, and it resolves.
Reflux is worth mentioning to your GP or health visitor if you are seeing frequent forceful vomiting, arching and screaming during or after feeds, refusing feeds, or poor weight gain. It is treatable and there is no need to just tough it out.
The genuinely important part
If you are alone, exhausted and feel yourself losing your temper: put the baby down safely in the cot, walk out of the room, and shut the door for a few minutes. A crying baby in a cot is completely safe. That is the correct action, not a failure, and the alternative can be catastrophic. Never shake a baby.
Then ring somebody. Your partner, your mum, a mate, the health visitor, NHS 111. Cry-Sis in the UK run a helpline specifically for this.
When to seek help now
A high-pitched or unusual cry, a fever, floppiness, unusual drowsiness, refusing several feeds, a rash that does not fade under pressure, or breathing that looks laboured. Trust the instinct and ring 111, or 999 if you are worried it is serious. Nobody will think you overreacted.