The firsts
Holding, winding and settling: the actual mechanics
Nobody demonstrates this properly and every man is quietly terrified of it for the first fortnight.
You will be handed something that weighs nothing and feels breakable. It is more robust than it looks, and confidence arrives through repetition rather than reading.
Picking up
Hand under the head and neck, other hand under the bottom, lift as one piece. Keep them close to your body rather than at arm's length. Bring them to you, do not lean over them.
Newborns have no neck control for the first few weeks. The head is the whole job.
Three holds worth knowing
- The cradle. Head in the crook of your elbow, forearm along the back. Default for feeding and general holding.
- Over the shoulder. Chest against your chest, head resting on your shoulder, one hand supporting the bottom, other hand flat on the back. Best for winding and for settling.
- The forearm hold. Lying along your forearm, head in your palm, facing outwards. Popular with babies with wind, and gives you a free hand.
Winding
Upright, then patience. Rushing it does nothing.
- Flat hand, firm rhythmic pats between the shoulder blades. Firmer than feels right.
- Or a flat palm rubbing upwards along the spine.
- Change position if nothing happens after a few minutes. Sitting them upright on your knee, supporting the chin and chest, often works when patting does not.
- Expect some milk to come with it. Keep a muslin on your shoulder permanently.
Settling
- Swaddle if you have been shown how. Arms in, hips loose, and stop once they can roll.
- Drowsy but awake into the cot is the ideal. Often unachievable. Do not chase it every time.
- Hand on the chest, firm and still, once they are down. Presence without picking up.
- Shush loudly. Louder than the crying. Then fade it.
- Give it ninety seconds before intervening again. Babies grumble their way into sleep and rescuing too early prevents it.
The reassuring bit
You will get good at this within about ten days, and you will get good at it in a way that becomes specifically yours. Most babies end up with one hold they only settle in for one parent. That is the beginning of the two of you having a relationship that does not run through anyone else.