The scans, and what you are actually looking at

You will sit in a dark room slightly behind everyone who knows what is happening. That is normal and it is fine.

The dating scan, around 12 weeks

Confirms the pregnancy, checks how many are in there, and measures to date the due date more accurately than any calendar maths.

You may also be offered combined screening for chromosomal conditions, which pairs a blood test with a measurement from the scan. It gives a probability, not an answer. If it comes back higher risk, further tests exist and nobody will rush you.

Worth agreeing beforehand what you would both want to do with that information. Having the conversation in the car park is worse.

The anomaly scan, around 20 weeks

The longer one. A detailed structural check of the brain, heart, spine, kidneys, limbs and the placenta. This is the appointment where most physical conditions would be picked up.

The sonographer goes quiet while measuring. This is concentration, not bad news. They will tell you when they are done.

You can usually find out the sex here if you want to. Decide together in advance, because being asked in the room while you disagree is a bad moment.

Your job

• Turn up. Employers must allow reasonable time off for antenatal appointments and you should be at these two.
• Write down what is said. She will be lying down and distracted. You are the recorder.
• Ask for the plain version. "What does that mean in practice?" is always a fair question.
• Do not read her face for reassurance. Look at the sonographer.

If something is flagged

It happens, and most flags turn out to be nothing much. You will be offered a follow-up, a consultant appointment or a further test.

The useful thing you can do is stop yourself searching for it at 1am. Statistics on a forum are not statistics about your child, and the consultant will tell you far more in ten minutes than the internet will in a week.