Trying, and what nobody tells the man

Most couples conceive within a year. When it takes longer, the attention goes to her, the appointments happen to her, and you become supporting cast in something that is roughly half your biology.

The fact that gets skipped

Male factors are involved in around half of fertility difficulties. Despite that, men are routinely investigated later and less thoroughly.

A semen analysis is a simple test, available through your GP, and it is often the fastest way to understand what you are dealing with. Ask for it early rather than after a year of her being tested.

Things that genuinely affect it

• Smoking and vaping. Clear negative effect. This is the big one.
• Alcohol, in quantity. Moderation is enough, abstinence is not required.
• Weight, at both extremes.
• Heat. Laptops on laps, frequent hot baths, saunas. A real but modest effect.
• Anabolic steroids. Substantially suppress sperm production, sometimes for a long time after stopping. Worth being honest with a doctor about.
• Some prescription medicines. Ask rather than assume.

Sperm take roughly two to three months to produce, so changes take that long to show up. Start now if you are going to.

Timing, without the spreadsheet

Every two to three days across the cycle covers it. Apps and thermometers help some couples and turn sex into an admin task for others. If it is becoming a project rather than a relationship, that is a cost worth noticing.

When to see somebody

Broadly, after a year of trying. Sooner, around six months, if she is over thirty-five, or if either of you has a known relevant condition. In the UK this starts with your GP.

The part nobody says

Month after month of not-pregnant is grinding, and men are expected to be the steady one while feeling it too. You are allowed to find it hard, and saying so to her is usually a relief to both of you rather than a burden.

If it goes on, this is a common cause of low mood in men and it is worth taking seriously rather than absorbing.