Phones, and what they are seeing

Your child will encounter things online you would rather they had not, at an age you would find uncomfortable, and often accidentally.

The only real choice is whether they hear about it from you first or work it out alone.

Set the ground before the phone

• No phones or tablets in bedrooms overnight. Charge them in the kitchen. Everything is harder at 1am, and this one rule removes a great deal of risk.
• Agree what happens if something goes wrong, in advance: "You will never be in trouble for telling me." Say it repeatedly. A child who fears losing the phone tells you nothing, which is the actual danger.
• Use the parental controls, and be honest that you have. Covert monitoring, once found, costs you the relationship you need.
• Talk about it before you hand over a device, not after something happens.

The conversation about pornography

Most children see it before their teens, usually by accident, usually earlier than parents assume.

What helps is not a warning about it being wrong. It is context: that it is performance, made for money, with paid adults, and that it is a poor guide to real bodies or real relationships, particularly on consent and on what anyone actually enjoys.

Short, calm, repeated in fragments over years. Not one enormous talk. If they have already seen something, the useful response is "that must have been a lot to see, what did you make of it" rather than shock, which teaches them not to mention the next thing.

Images and sexting

Say the practical facts plainly: images spread, they never come back, and screenshots exist. And that creating or sharing sexual images of under-18s is a criminal matter even between two teenagers of the same age.

Then the important half: if it happens, they come to you. In the UK, Childline and the IWF run Report Remove, which can get an image taken down. That tool exists and most parents have never heard of it.

Strangers and grooming

Teach the pattern rather than a list of rules. Someone who is unusually flattering, wants to move to a private app, asks them to keep the friendship secret, or asks for pictures is doing a recognisable thing, whatever their claimed age.

Report concerns to CEOP. If a child is in immediate danger, 999.

The bit that is about you

These conversations are awkward and most fathers duck them, then assume school covered it. Doing it badly is significantly better than not doing it. "I am not brilliant at talking about this, but I would rather you heard it from me" is a completely acceptable opening line.

UK support: Internet Matters and the NSPCC both have scripts by age, and the NSPCC helpline is 0808 800 5000.